If you’ve got an Apple sticker on your car windshield, you might be an Apple fanboy. You might also be a stickerophile who’s obsessed with gummy adhesives. True iPhone fanaticism is more than just a fruit-adorned vehicle.

Your iPhone Has More Clothes Than You

Skins, cases, bumpers: it doesn’t matter what you call them, your iPhone’s got more duds than you do, and you know it. The serious Apple fanboy is one Lady Gaga-themed iPhone skin away from needing a separate closet for his iPhone’s clothes. And don’t even get us started on those who coordinate their clothes with their iPhone cases. We’re talking to you, “Pink with rhinestones” girl.

Your Life is Organized Into App Folders

You, the Apple fanboy, will never be accused of having a disorganized life. No, your life is compartmentalized into neat little folders with convenient captions. What are you going to make for dinner? That’s filed under “Nutrition.” What’s the fastest way to the movie theater? You’ll find it under “Travel.” And the likes, dislikes, birth date, and important facts about your significant other? Those get a special folder: “Serious Relationship Stuff.” But then, how many Apple fanboys are really in a serious relationship? Siri doesn’t count.

You Think of Socializing as “Real World FaceTime”

George Jetson and fam, if you can remember back that far, would have been quite familiar with the concept introduced by Steve Jobs in 2010. During the 00′s, those backward, stone-age years, face time required people to physically occupy space in the general vicinity of those to whom they were chatting up. Translation: you had to stand in front of each other. Apple fanboys scoff at such limitations. For the iPhone fanatics, FaceTime is a crystal clear image in the palm of your hand. Anything else is just superfluous.

You Complain About PVS Symptoms

Don’t log onto WebMD for this one, because you’re not going to find it there. Paranoid Vibration Syndrome isn’t a medical problem, but it is a real issue for the Apple Fanboys of the universe. You know the symptoms. You’re sitting, standing, driving, talking, walking and you keep slapping the side of your jeans because you’re certain: this time you really felt your phone buzzing. Cool it, Eastwood. You’re just too quick on the draw. It’s PVS.

Your Mantra is “What Would the iPhone Do?”

Face it: you’re not an Apple fanboy until your whole life has been permeated by the tiny black box in your pocket. And why not? It’s thin and light, yet durable. It’s productive, but fun. It’s organized, yet versatile. It’s sophisticated, yet accessible. After achieving such a perfect balance of extremes, it’s no wonder everyone wants to be like the iPhone. What iPhone owner isn’t a fanboy?

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